Living in regret and past mistakes can be tough. Many people mistakenly hold on regret, grudges, and resentments, hoping that it would bring them peace or justice in their lives.

However, holding to regrets not only makes us unhappy but also can negatively affect our physical well-being, relationships, and cognitive abilities.

• The mental effects of holding grudges and regrets have been shown to increase stress and anxiety, depression, and emotional exhaustion, obsessive thoughts, reduced problem-solving ability.
• Physical effects include an increased risk of heart disease, a weakened immune system, and sleep disturbances.
• Relationship effects include interpersonal conflicts, isolation, toxic home/work environments, and difficulties in trusting.

Letting go of grievances heals the mind and helps you become closer to true peace, joy, and happiness.

Meanwhile, holding on to grievances keeps people stuck in a cycle of pain and separation.

Forgiveness is the tool for releasing grievances and opening the path to spiritual enlightenment and inner tranquility.

During my research and experimentation, letting go of grievances has been one of the best techniques I found that brought me inner peace, joy, and happiness, and that actually helped me in letting go of past mistakes and resentments.

Here are the steps I used to practice letting go:

1. Recognition of the pain:

If others or your actions hurt you, it is important to take the time to acknowledge and validate your feelings of hurt, anger, or betrayal.

It is important to be honest with yourself about situations and persons who have hurt you.

Keeping these emotions within you and not consciously dealing with them can manifest as mental and physical diseases and relationship challenges.

It is sometimes helpful to write about the person and event that causes hurt or anger. Recognize that it is understandable that you feel hurt, angry, and resentful when unexpected things happen.

Alex's Story: Alex was deeply hurt after a significant other ended their relationship unexpectedly. Recognizing the pain meant Alex writing in a journal about the feelings of betrayal and sadness, acknowledging the hurt without pushing it away, which was the first step towards healing. He also decided to let go and move past the event.

2. Make a decision to let go

Recognize that there are clear benefits associated with practicing forgiveness or letting go.

Some of the evidence-based benefits include improved mental, emotional, and physical health, improved relationships, and increased life happiness and satisfaction.

Be willing and consciously decide to let go of the grievance with the person or yourself.

This doesn’t mean condoning harmful behavior of yours and others. But rather, be open to releasing the burden of resentment you have from the event.

It is completely understandable if you are not ready. But making this valuable decision brings a lot of spiritual, mental, and physical benefits to life.

Jasmine's Example: After being passed over for a promotion at work in favor of a less experienced colleague, Jasmine felt a mix of resentment and inadequacy. Deciding to let go involved her recognizing that holding onto these feelings would only harm her mental and physical well-being and career prospects.

She decided to focus on her growth and seek new opportunities rather than dwelling on the disappointment. She focused on reading and taking courses on personal development.

3. Let go of the need to be right

Release the need to be right or to have another person acknowledge their wrong.

Wanting to be right or having another person acknowledge their wrong can elongate your peace unless you are willing to let go of these desires.

Forgiveness is about changing your mind towards peace rather than changing the other person. Its about letting go of the burden of resentment, not seeking justice or retribution.

Be willing to change your perceptions if you want to change your life - don’t wait for others.

Mark's Situation: Mark had a falling out with a close friend over a misunderstanding. Despite both parties being at fault to some degree, Mark felt he deserved an apology.

Realizing the importance of their friendship over being right, Mark reached out to mend the relationship, willing to move past the disagreement without an explicit acknowledgment of wrong from the other side.

4. Practice empathy

Seeing things from another person’s perspective can also aid in the forgiving process.

Recognize that everyone is struggling to do their best to protect themselves, their family, and their country. Recognize that everyone is attempting to find joy, freedom, and peace and remove pain and fear from their lives.

People behave and act based on their level of awareness, knowledge, and subconscious programming and capacity.

Many people have a hard time changing their own unhelpful habits, thinking, and beliefs. We all need time to learn and change.

Sara's Reflection: Sara's estranged relationship with her sibling, who made life choices she didn't agree with, began to heal when she tried to see things from her sibling's perspective.

Understanding the fears and hopes that influenced her sibling's decisions helped Sara to empathize and bridge the gap between them.

5. Practice affirmations

Affirmations can be an incredible tool for reprograming your subconscious mind to become more forgiving and helping you through the healing process.

Our Subconscious mind is highly responsive to repetitive affirmations.

Repeated affirmations such as

• “I am becoming more and more forgiving each and every day”.
• “I am letting go of all my hurts, anger, and regrets from my life and blessing peace, happiness, and harmony to myself and others.
• "I am releasing all past hurts and forgiving everyone, including myself."
• "I am letting go of resentment and choosing peace and happiness."
• "Forgiveness fills my heart, and I am free from the chains of the past."

Liam's Routine: After struggling with self-blame for a past financial mistake that led to significant personal loss, Liam started practicing daily affirmations.

Every morning, he would affirm, "I am learning from my past and creating a prosperous future," helping him to foster a more forgiving attitude towards himself and rebuild his confidence.

6. Be patient with yourself

Letting go of grievances is a process and not a one-time event. Repetition is the key to reprogramming the conscious and subconscious mind to be more forgiving.

Be patient with yourself as you work through these steps.

Just like any skill, the more you remember and practice forgiveness and letting go, the happier you will be.

Elena's Journey: Following a difficult divorce, Elena found it hard to let go of the anger and betrayal she felt.

Acknowledging that healing is a journey, she gave herself permission to feel her emotions without judgment and celebrated small milestones of progress, understanding that forgiveness and healing take time.

Final word

It's also important to acknowledge that while these steps are valuable, the process of overcoming regret and past mistakes can be deeply individual and complex.

Some may find certain steps more challenging than others, and additional support from professionals may be beneficial in some cases.

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Dulik Kohomange​
Executive Coach & Business Advisor
Find me on LinkedIn | Visit my Website​

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